Back ahead.

This is most likely the last post of 2006.

I had a nightmare last night, I work up feeling rather uneasy. The fear still lingers in my heart as I had my morning shower. Scenes of the nightmare still runs through my mind, the needles of uncertianties pricks me hard on my heart. Yes, uncertainty.

2006, is a year of many self discovery, many God discovery. It's been an adventurous year, anchoring my life to God. Finally being sure of why I'm doing what I'm doing. Cease to ask that question, where I belong. The feeling of being so lost, and wandering aimlessly through life is really over. It's a year of many exchanges, changes. 2006 may not be the most pleasant but definitely a year of growth. Being 18 and not doing what I would have liked to do. Somehow it seems that the whole life voyage had taken a different route. Perhaps, coz I have changed my map.

2007, that I plan to be...a year of many stretches and discipleship. Faith filled I intend to embark of new things, which I have contemplated and never tried. And I am expecting great growth in the group, both quality and quantity and that would mean a great deal of discipleship to take place. Yes, this are what I plan to do, but along the way, I'm certain that he will direct my paths, making them straight. It's all gonna be so exciting. Chantel is very excited.

The heart so blessed.

My heart is so blessed today, when Shirls applauded. The applause that she receive from God and transcend it to us. To have worked hard in my ministry (though I know I could have work much harder.. yes I will), I am touched by this applause from God. The affirmation that is from our maker itself is more precious then any other people. As the applause went on, I felt the assurance of the Holy Spirit comforting me, I'm once again reminded of who holds my tommorrow and who holds my hand.

The Chantel today and the Chantel a year ago is very different. From the bottom of my heart, I truly appreciate those who had groomed me to who I am, their precious support and input, I never felt that I have affirmed them enough. There are so so precious to me. While it's been more than a year, but I still remembered that shepherd, who invested in me, laid down my foundation strong and repeated so many times, "not to take ourselve seriously" and always "seeking God first". What used to be, reminders have become a way of life. I cherish her much. And I remember the spiritual buddy who is always there listen to me, encourages me every now and then. And last but not least, the longest shepherd, who watches me grow, listens to me and guides me. All of them are so precious to me. Very much.

Ending abit abruptly, coz I'm plain tired.
I'm looking forward to Wednesday. =)

Heart gone cold.

Recently, I reflected upon many things. I evaluated the many responses I had towards the happenings around me. Both the inplicit responses and the explicit responses. To the best that I can, I put them side by side his biblical standard, I measured, questioned. Many nights, as I recalled and evaluated, my heart went cold. Some were the hurts, the guilts, the mistakes, towards him, me, them. And there were instances when my heart leap with excitement and joy at the prospect of acquring new things, at hopes and dreams that can be accomplished. It was a swing, between the helplessness of man, and the heart held by hope.

As I look back, I see the many plans, that I had failed, or failed me. I see the expectations that I had failed and failed me. The disappointments, the guilts. This is man, that we crumbled when our expectations fail. Perhaps, fallen from expectations but never grace. I thank God that despite, all these storms and wild weather, he keep me safe in his grace. He is grace (like how my sheep puts it). The one who never fails me.

I am about as fickled as any human being. I lack the compassion, some might expect me to have. Perhaps, as this year comes to an end, I've learnt more about not living within the expectations of others, likewise, not be too harsh in expecting others. All are human beings, we need so grace. It's okay, to stumble every now and then, just pick yourself up and move on.

She dance with Decadence

Allure, Decadence lures her in.
Into his chambers, he invites her.
Weak, She gave in
Into his chambers she went,
there, she dance with Decadence

From a distance he watches,
as his beloved dances
with that stranger, that destroyer
that charming Decadence.

What a shame!
Her heart so easily strayed,
She smile, but didn't know that in a while
Decadence will have her shackled, imprisioned
in that very chamber.

When she's home, let me know,
that I will know I'm not alone.
In the mean while
let her dance...for her beauty will last her for quite a while....

Tonight, we indulge in her betrayal
and his pain.
Shame. What a shame.
Beauty has her way of holding pain.

The absolutely meaningless post.

I came home from work today, to realise my maid, good old maid, had lined up the slippers outside the gate, in two neat rows. I'm amaze, amuse, tickled. It looks very pleasant, very welcoming. Neat things always make me smile.

Before I left for home today, My mum informed me that all the boxes of medicines on the table are to be taken. It includes, cod liver, choropyhll, and some other what nots. Of which, there is also slimming pills. Truth is, the slimming pills are meant for my brother, and my sis and I are suppose to eat it with him, so that he will eat. I am very amuse. Just as my mom complains about a tight budget, she splurges so much on such health food. The way my mom spends money, I don't understand. She can just give me 60bucks to purchase another basketball, that can also help weight loss. Perhaps, I should suggest that to her.

I'm still in the midst of writing cards. Many Many cards. And I'm looking forward to shopping with my sheep tommorrow, somehow, I got a feeling she might make me laugh. Sometimes, she can be up to the silliest action, which is so random. I'm also looking forward to a date at starbucks with ruiz some day next year, haha...I hope I don't lose my voucher this time like how I lost my movie voucher the other time =.= Also looking forward to rockclimbing with Earth, of which we haven't set a date.... and there's chilling with the rest of LC, been so long, so very very long.... I must make it a point to drop by Harry's...

Many things

I woke up this morning with many things on mind. I need to do my end december evaluation. Evaluation is very important, because the silliest mistake to make is the same mistake. Many things to evaluate, the group, my life, my sheep.... and it's back to looking at my plans, refining them, altering them. Let me be more dilligent in my planning!

Somehow, as the new year is going to start, I am actually excited for school. But I got no school! I kinda miss JC life, in a way, in retrospect, JC aint that bad. haha.. It's actually fun. If only you know how to juggle your studies with everything else. Momentum is very important in JC. Thinking, thinking...I think I want to join xinhui they all more often for food outings and things as such. I'm thinking of shopping with Melissa... and perhaps, we can all catch Marie Antonite together and have a good laugh! haha... on the other hand, keyboard lessons are starting soon too. Chantel is very excited! I can't wait, for school to start again, I'm thinking like NUS and pretty school bags? I already saw something I like from Forever 21. haha

I'm looking forward too, to the thanksgiving CG we are going to have, we are going to eat something yummy!

Somehow I know 2007 will be a good year, coz Chantel resolute to stick with God. ^^

Hard is not impossible!

Merry Christmas

I woke up this morning, eager to seek him, and to be immense in his word. Of which, I did, I did not switch on my computer but the first thing I did after washing up, is to read Jeremiah, where I had stopped for Quietime, and as I read, I prayed for understanding. The night before, just before I slept, he place a firm assurance in my heart, and gave me a new surge of compassion towards those whom I've known and are lost. The few names, pop up again, as I spent my fresh morning with him. I prayed for them.

Starbucks voucher for one free drink, I wonder how should I spend it. Time alone, in starbucks, planning? Or catching up with friends? Or blessing whoever who needs? Starbucks just reminded me of times spent with Hammy Chong, the times of which she opened my eyes to areas which I missed. Hmm.... perhaps, I should go down to united square's starbucks and have a nice little retreat...

My all time favourite song, is Hillsong Kids' Trust in the Lord.
"All in all of your ways acknowlegde him, he will make your path straight."
I'm so reminded of how, he never fails.
With much plans to be crystalise, I should turn in soon.

*The title is not linked to the post, the paragraphs are not exactly linked either. Just fragments of my thoughts.. didn't i say the senseless... meaningless...

Woman's heart.

The ending of the Christmas service and Christmas party marks the end of a busy season for me. Finally it's over. Despite a few glitches here and there, the Christmas party still goes on rather okay I guess. I hope people had enjoyed themselves. While all the hectic events are over, my heart is looking forward to many new challenges that I need to embrace in the week to come. As, the hectic schedule end, it's really a time, for catching up with old friends and strengthening some weakening friendship. I think relationships are very important, pray that I steward them well. I'm also looking forward to my keyboard lessons! Yes, I had signed up! ^^

First things first, a couple people I wana thank God for, for the Christmas party. Not in order of importance yah.. haha.. firstly the musicians, really thank God for their hard work and serving attitude, even though, some unexpected things happen, but it's okay lar, just learn from this, and do better next time! Yongkang and his team of ushers are really great help too. Also Stephen and the rest of the guys, very serving very helpful. And I must say, my two very dear Sheep are great blessing to my life. They are so super supportive, very hard to not love them. I am so proud of you girls, yuqian and Eileen! ^^ really appreciate u two, much much and love you all LOADS LOADS. Also my Team NEE1, who is always so supportive, really love you girls loads. I am very gald to see wenhui grow! *loves*

The Christmas Party ended nicely, with a group carol at the teahouse. It's really fun. And when, everyone leaves for home and stuff, Debbie and I decided to sit in the teahouse a little longer to chill. We spent time doing some thanksgiving, and it's heartwarming and delightful to share the many blessings God had showered in our life.

Reaching home, I caught up with a rather dear friend. I feel burden for her, that she is always so broken, yet she can't seem to come to God. Somehow, it seems that girls are really create frail, hearts that are easily wounded. As she share with me her problems, I felt really burden, yet helpless. To the best that I can, I tried to share with her, a maker, who will comforts and love, yet her skeptism has gotten the better of her. I feel really helpless, watching her this way. Remembered the nights that she would come over my house, and share with me her problems and get all exasperated, but because we are studying in different instituition so contact weakens. It's okay I will continue to pray for her.

A few names in my mind. A few friendships I hope to strengthen, because a woman's heart is too frail to just do things on her own. She needs her maker. A few days ago, just other friend, whom I really care alot, drop me a testimonial. It warms my heart, for we haven't talked for so long. And she's someone whom I always remembered. Someone who is very very broken.

Many friends I should pray for and love. They do not know him, and I believe he has a purpose of placing them in my life. Let me just pray that God will extend my capacity of love to take in all this dear ones, and love them, the way he will like it.

As year 2006 is about to come to and end, and God had end it well for me, I'm really looking forward to a deeper walk with him.

Seriously, Chantel, can make do without CHANEL.
even CHLOE.
hahs.

* I am considering replicas for next year. *hint*hint*

Cosy. Lovely

The continous rain, damp cold air, my own rain of coughs and mucus overflowing, perhaps a little uncomfortable, yet morbidly I felt both cosy and lovely. Perhaps, it's only in coldness then cosiness can be felt. My cup of hot cereal brings much satisfaction, and much coughs too =.= What a anti climatic opening to my entry which intended to share the cosiness and loveliness that filled my heart. Aish.

Yes, these days, while life is hectic hectic and even more hectic, I found joy and peace of mind. Somehow, it's really in this midst of heavy schedules, physical discomfort and friction with other human beings that drew me closer to my maker. A tough time indeed, yet, every step I take, there is this one, who holds my hand and watches my step. His promptings, his encouragements, my heart is really blessed. Pardon me, that I cannot share eloquently how wonderful I felt, but seriously my heart is very very bless. Not because of the things that are happening around, but the way they happened.

A few days ago, I lost my handphone. I'm not exactly that upset. Seriously. haha. And on the same day, I caught up with a dear friend. It's not really catching up... more of a mindless chatter on skin deep stuff. Yet nonetheless I enjoy talking to her, still the same old... irritable self. =.= Earlier on, caught up with some other friends too, somehow, I can't help it but to marvel at the how intricate human relationships are. Something which is so important in my life, yet something which I don't quite understand, not quite able to handle well.

A few more details to be refined and soon it's the Christmas party. The first mega event I am handling in my church life. The first party that I organised, it's for the one I most loved, how blessed, how enjoyable. =)

Because it's his son's birthday, better make it work ya... haahaa...

What's to be said what's not to be said?

I thought today could be a rest day. Apparently not really the rest I would have wanted. Anyways, trapped by the rain, I wandered between Novena Square and United Square, my mind wandered too, but not quite as aimlessly as my feet.

A lingering thought, how much does we know to make us enough to comment? How many times, had we made careless remarks or comments without complete or even adequate information of the situation/subject matter? As I evaluated and reflected upon the many things I have said, I realise that many careless remarks had been made at the spur of moment. I recalled at how uncomfortable I felt when catching up with an old friend recently, the way she passes remarks and commetns as if she know the situation through and through. Perhaps it's time to practice prudence in speech. Perhaps, the next time, one open their mouth to talk, they should ponder, have they known enough to comment. Very soon, we will find ourselve talking lesser and lesser, coz we realise what we know is very little.

Yesterday, was talking to Eileen how, some people I just can't be bothered to explain too much. At the different point of view, it's difficult for them to understand, and I don't really expect it. But perhaps, because of that it causes further misunderstandings, and it get annoying. It feels annoying to be misunderstood. But I guess, at this point I just want to keep the main thing the main thing. Whatever I have to do, I will do. The rest, perhaps time will do the best explanations. Having said so, I've learnt, to not ask many questions too.

Still sick.

Sick

I am sick. My world feels woozy. Perhaps, that's how I drop my phone. I'm not too upset. I'm not really a PHONE person, just hope to get my SIM card asap and find a usable phone. Without a phone ministry, seem so much harder. Perhpas, I should take some time to rest. Today, I am reminded to not overwork. This is me, when I start something it's difficult to stop.

Last night, I caught a glimpse of the news, and resoluted I should make CNN and BBC my bestfriends, updating myself daily with news and such. That I will be more prepared to take on different time of converstations. From Dior to the Gaza Strip, perhaps in this JC ministry it's quite essential to know abit of everything, that converstation can happen. In my ministry, Conversation is very important.

I had been so busy lately... I cannot remember the times, when I'm thinking "right". I'm just chionging....chionging....chionging... in some sense I guess.

But, at least, I come to enjoy retreating, to a corner. Just enjoying God. When life is so hectic, I might be doing more self talk then talking to him. I've learnt though, the feed upon his faithfulness, waiting on him.

I'm looking forward to a time of break, where I can go through my books. The luxury of sitting down reading...pondering... ayes...

Camp after thought

The much anticipated camp finally ended. Three days two nights is indeed a little too short for me.But all in all, I have received much. My camp ended with a taxi ride, with three very spiritual ladies, Shirley, Eelee, Debbie. haha.. My pastor, my ex District leader, my shepherd. It was a peaceful ride home, while most doze off, I much thoughts were running in my mind. I was consolidating, events that happened, teachings taught, responses made. While all that happen, I very much looked forward to going home. Upon reaching, home the endearing sight of my rabbit, simply send packets of warmth around my heart. That little thing, really loves it much.

In the camp, I made a promise to God. I said, "Lord, if you give me another chance, I promise to be a biblical student." All who know me in my JC years, will know, as much I hunger for God, and seek to be a biblical person, I weren't a good student. I really repent this time round. And God is really good to confirm the many directions that I asked.

I didn't managed to do some things, that I wanted to do. But as I say, in camp, it's not so much about doing things, but meeting your objectives.

I really love my Team, and I am very encourage to see them responding to God. I know Team NEE1 will go far, because I'm leading a group of girls, who desires God. A group that is so full of potential waiting to be unleashed.

Chantel's Jerseys... hurs







There you go girls... my jerseys... hahaha...

Trust in the Lord

"Trust, trust in the Lord, lean not on your own understanding. All, in all you ways, acknowledge him, he will make your path straight..." Hillsong Kids - Trust in the Lord

Taken from proverbs 3:5-6, a rather poignant reminder of why we shouldn't fret over what we don't have to. How often, had we decided to take control of our life, only to find it, going way off? Or how many times, had we allowed words of others to put us down, insecurities that bogged us down. Isn't it silly that the words of man (others and ourselves) stop us from soaring higher. Trust, trust in the lord, for the best in your life, and you won't have to worry so much.

If there is one thing, I want to give thanks to God for, it is the heart that is able to trust in him. It's because of this trust in him, that helped me to move on. His faithfulness in my life, how could I not acknowledge him?

Prayer, is also deep thought in the presence of God. In the midst of hectic schedules, I'm reminded by him to devote time, in his presence, seeking his counsel. Nights like this, when it's simply just his word, a simple worship song, a loving reminder of simple biblical truth, is simply refreshing. I so so, delight in this maker. =)

* He is a dreamer, I am his dream

Elated

Elated is the heart of one greatly blessed by God. I am indeed so blessed to find the perfect venue for the Christmas event, I can I only say it's really God. To have walked many places, shaked many hands, even dropped my contacts into a vacant but really beautiful Japanese resturant, I am really really overjoyed to finally come to the place that save my life. *Phew* Was sharing with my sheep that I might have the gift of prophecy to prophecy on Saturdays to the Cls that I if Safra TPY were to say no, I will be very stress. Of which I indeed become really stress. haha... It was a fun experience, I am greatly amused by my sheep's morbid obsession for Indian food.

These days, my schedule is really hectic, that it's getting abit crazy. Due to some miscommunication, I have to give today's class gathering a miss. Uhm, people if I ever forget to reply your smses, or ... I dunno what, please do remind me! Haha.. the late nights and early mornings are taking a toil on me. I almost screamed when I discovered dark rings round my eyes, yesterday. If you know me long enough, you know it's highly unlikely that I get dark rings, so.... my goodness!

I grabbed a copy of Bazaar yesterday, just for the sake of buying a magazine. >.< And once again, it's just reminded me how beautiful Chanel's jewelleries are. Hmm...I seriously do not think that I'm speaking from a bias point of view, they are really really nice. Good old Chanel...

Irritated

I am getting a little irritated, how come, I cannot correct the error in this template? The silly little symbol like thingys. Aiks. If anyone knows how, do let me know. Cannot stand. >.<

Going venue hunting for the Christmas event later.... May it be fruitful!

Listening: Micheal Buble - kissing a fool

Waiting

The process of waiting, is one of which, I have mixed feelings about. Being someone who is very choleric, I cannot stand time wastage, yet the slow process of waiting just allow the other melancholy side of me to drift into deep thoughts. Right now, I am waiting for the the person and Toa Payoh Safra to reply me, waiting. According to him, he has got 18 emails to reply and I am email number 16 =.= . Days like that, don't we just wana claim that verse "last shall be the first?"

I reached home yesterday, exhausted. I didn't do much, just collasped straight onto my bed. Perhaps, the 3hrs sleep from the previous night and the long day preceding it, had my adrenaline exhuasted.

Last night was actually a fruitful night. In a way, I really enjoy sitting down with my shepherd, going through with her my life. Evaluating, sharing, my learnings, my falls, my struggles, my visions, hope and dreams and goals. I talked about Chanel and what it stood for, about my plans, my worries, my excitement come january to start my lessons... haha.. basically, I just talk and talk. I really thank God for someone whom, I can be so vulenerable to, without worrying much. And she is very sweet to bless my rabbit with food! Also thought me singing too, how very exciting!

On my way home, I spent some time talking to God, praying. Sometimes, as human beings, we might not make the best decisions. Yet we know who holds our future and who holds our hand.

It's a new day, with new beginning

Oh.. and I saw some really nice D&G spectacle frame... wow. ^^

I realise my fonts are kinda big... shall do some adjustments...soon..

Martha

This holiday, I will be so busy doing things....

When my mother annouced that someone must work from 5pm-7pm, I know I have already lost the luxury of availability. And when my sister, decided to work at levis, I know that, I will have to be a planning monster. To have to plan my time well, so as to slot in whatever I can for my ministry. The truth is, when my mom says, 5-7 it's not really 5-7. I just really pray that God will make a way for me, to do the best I can to extend his Kingdom.

Somehow, it's really just how, he sees me through each thick and thin and the cascading warm assurance that he envelopes as I prayed and read his word, that convicts me. I can still go on. I'm constantly reminded of beauty chase, and what it stood for. Perhaps, it has come to a point, of which I stop asking the people around me, do you understand me? Do you like really understand. For at the end of day, I too, is unable to fathom the thoughts of the people around. Instead of getting insecure of what other perceive of ourself, why not, just ask the simple question, what does he thinks? After all, isn't the audience of one we are living for?

Saying so, does that mean that we have an excuse to be insensitive to the needs of others, or their feelings? Doing that, will only make us fail to "love thy neighbour like thyself" . The art of human relatioship is intricate, delicate. I'm still learning, still growing. Perhaps, all should learn more to accept rather than to expect. And perhaps, at the end of day, let's all not be too hard on ourself, have a laugh, life goes on. We learn to be better.

I'm very touched, by the various acts of generosity from my girls, during my economic crisis. I actually survived the week without allowance. But God still provides. Thank God!

My dreams for God is audacious, indeed, yet I know,they are achievable, I will continue my chase, till this chapter close and I say it is done. Yet I know another chapter will open. Till then, it's still beauty chase.

My heart my home

Home is where my heart is. I really love my humble little 4room flat. Somehow the cosiness this small space brings, is extremely comforting after a long day of activity. I'm really a very home person. =)
















Everytime I walk past this thing in my house, I'll just go aww. Imagine, worshipping with that under the stars, would be so wonderful. But, it's SPOLIT. =.=

Days like that I really understand what is "GEK XIM"

It's okay, I will believe in God's providence. I am sooooo looking forward to the keys lesson *JUMPS* Janurary faster come!!

On my way home, I resolute to take better care of myself. Because I really want to live a life that glorifies God. God please help me change my bad habits!